I've been thinking about doing this for a long, long time. Lately, it's really been on my heart to share our story, and how we got to where we are now. I certainly hope to bring some information to the uninformed, some light to a subject that seems to be so taboo, and some hope to those still hoping. Our journey to here has been a long one, even though I know there are many others who have been on this road for much longer than we have. I'm here to say that I know what you are going through. But first, an introduction.
My name is Kelli, and I am a tried and true, born and bred, forever Oklahoma Sooner fan who just so happens to spend my days protecting and serving. I'm 33 years old. I'm outgoing, outspoken, and rarely out-argued. I'm a control freak who likes things the way I like them, and I want them on my own schedule. I'm married to an amazing man who I love with all my heart and soul. He is so many of the things I am not, and I can't imagine living my life without him by my side. He's also a cop, too, and also one of the greatest men I've ever met. We have been married for over two years, and have stood fast together through trials and tribulations that a lot of couples don't have to endure.
Lastly, I'm nearly 21 weeks pregnant with our first child. Finally. Most people don't appreciate the amount of sheer joy it brings to my heart to say it out loud. It literally brings tears to my eyes. I still can't believe it. I still look at the picture I took of the first positive test we got and I can't help but laugh at the way I reacted that night. I'm still amazed at the thought of all of the nonsense we had to go through to get here. But we're here, and our baby girl is coming in September.
It took us nearly 18 months to get pregnant, and that might not seem like a long time to some of you, but when all you want is a baby, it's an eternity. That's right. My husband and I found ourselves smack-dab in the middle of a battle with infertility. There. I said it. We struggled with infertility. I use the word "struggle" because I'm afraid to say that we just about went out of our fucking minds with doctors and testing and charts and temperatures and emotions and timing and bloodwork. I know people who tried for 5+ years, and I'm still amazed at the thought of waiting that long, because I was about at the end of my rope after a year and a half. But why is "infertility" such a taboo word? I've told our story to many people and most of them have said that they can't believe I'm actually talking about it. Are you kidding me? I wish someone had told us sooner what a gigantic miracle it is to get pregnant! And I'm not kidding. It's a crazy, scientific, one-in-a-million process of nature. Or in our case, nature and medical intervention.
It's not something you think about in high school. Or really, even college. We, as women, are raised to do everything possible not to get pregnant, not realizing that when the time comes to switch your mindset, it can be a lot harder than it seems. I began to hate all of my friends who had... oops!... gotten pregnant by accident. Seriously, I was Charlotte in that Sex & the City episode when Miranda accidentally gets pregnant and you can tell that Charlotte is so hurt because they'd been trying and trying, even though their situations had nothing to do with one another. Seriously. I still cry when I watch that one. I went through a phase of hating my friends who had kids, hating the pregnant ones, hating the ones who say "Oh, we don't really want kids". REALLY?? What does your opinion have to do with my feelings?? It seems comical now, but if you are going through these emotions, don't worry. I get it.
So, let me tell you what our issue was. We both went through that thought process, independently, of "am I the reason we won't ever have kids?!" It doesn't start out that way, though. It's all very romantic. You both decide that it's time to get pregnant, so you discontinue birth control. And you just know it's going to happen super fast because you love each other so much. And then it doesn't. And each month after that, your period shows up and you just cry. And you get really REALLY discouraged. But you shouldn't! What most people don't realize, and what I definitely didn't realize until going through our journey, is that there are only 2-3 days of the whole month that you can get pregnant, and even still there's only a 25% chance of it happening, and that's only if all of your systems are working properly! Crazy odds. Unbelievable that it happens so fast for some people.
It didn't happen that way for us, at all. I discontinued birth control in September 2011. We had been married for only 6 months, but already both in our early 30s, it was time to get started. I had been using the NuvaRing for a few years (and loved it), but it eventually stopped my period altogether, which my doctor said was perfectly fine. After I stopped using it, and I didn't see even a sign of a period for four months, I knew something was wrong. People had told me you could get pregnant with no period, so I wasted countless pregnancy tests just randomly checking to see if I was. When I saw my doctor in January with still no period, she started me on straight estrogen and progesterone. 40-day cycles! And if you've ever known anyone on straight estrogen, then you know what a monster I became. Moody, crazy, weepy... all of those. And we did four cycles! All to try to kick-start my period and ovulation. By June, she gave up and referred us to a fertility specialist.
After our initial visit with the specialist in July, he sent me for bloodwork. The next day, he called and said he was sending over orders for an MRI... on my head. When I panicked on the phone a bit and asked what the problem was, he told me not to worry. Don't worry?? About needing an MRI on my head? Are you fucking crazy? He said that sometimes, women get tumors on the pituitary gland that can stop ovulation. SO NOW WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A TUMOR. IN MY HEAD. How did we get here? We just want a baby and now I might have a tumor in my brain? Am I being punked? Are there hidden cameras watching for me to flip out?
So, I had an MRI. He called two days later and said I did have a small tumor, and that it could be treated with medication. I started the meds, and 45 days later, my period showed up. I had never been so happy to see that. I just cried and cried. Little did I know, the fun was only beginning....
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